Sir, I didn’t leave it to the last minute, PLEASE (i finished my homework a week before the due date -.-) The exam format is 3 or 4 essays to be written in 3 hours..
Dear All,
Today was a really weird but nice day. It was the last day of the semester for some of my Law coursemates. I unfortunately, have class tomorrow afternoon before I start my one-week break.
I don’t mind though =)
It was quite cold today, but the wind was lovely all the while… It’s normally a harsh, strong, bitter wind that mucks up my hair and blows right through me… but today for some reason it was a strong and cold, but gentler, smoother wind that blew through my hair… it gave me a feeling of being held, being carressed; it made me wish I had wings so it could pick me up and let me fly… and the sun was out in the afternoon, and when it touched my skin I felt like someone was kissing me… I got off the bus early and walked back the rest of the way today, just to enjoy the feeling…
And later in the evening… I recieved my very first chocolate present!!! As in, I’ve had people give me chocolates before, but only when I asked, or when we were out at a chocolate fondue cafe or it was a special occasion or something… But never ever ever have I recieved chocolates as a present for no reason!!
Actually it wasn’t a present la. That’s kind of like, overdramatizing it. I got a huge bar of chocolate from a random stranger lady who was handing them out at the corner. It felt… nice, though. Like a proper present. A proper present that I never asked for, never hinted for, never thought I deserved… when you get something like that, THAT is a true gift… It’s funny how a bar of chocolate from someone you didn’t know existed til a few seconds ago makes you feel so warm and fuzzy inside…
My friend was wondering why I was making such a big fuss over it. He said it was a promotional gimmick, and that they didn’t care about me, they were just giving out the chocolate to get me to buy their chocolates in future.
Does that matter, really?
I mean, looking at the facts, what I see is this; it may have been purely a promotional gimmick. But the way she smiled at me when she gave it to me didn’t make it seem that way. She wasn’t forcing it onto me like most salespeople; she was genuinely smiling. It wasn’t a fake plastic smile… it was a real smile. I think I’d love to give a smile like that if I was giving random people chocolate on the street. =) And even if it was supposed to be a promotional gimmick, I wouldn’t buy their chocolates unless I personally thought it was good and worth the money… and then I’d probably buy it whether or not I got the free bar, right? All those marketing people are giving me the thumbs up now, saying, yeah, this girl, she’s our favourite kind of customer XD
And… I felt… so, so happy.
I haven’t felt so happy in so long.
It wasn’t just extremely happy, or forcing myself to be happy, or a polite kind of happy. It was a pure, whole feeling of joy and comfort and warmth, that got me right in the center of my being… all because I got my first gift of chocolate from a total stranger. I think what was important to me wasn’t the person, or the company, or the chocolate itself…
It was the feeling that for the first time in my life, without hoping for it, or having to work for it, or hinting for it, or dreaming of it, or even thinking I would be deserving of such a thing… I got something that I liked. Totally out of the blue, totally unexpected shot of happiness.
I loved it. It was the first time I felt anything so pure and so precious since the day my first (and only) boyfriend confessed that he liked me… and just like that day, I will never, ever, forget even a single detail.
On the 23rd of October, 2008, I got a very precious gift…
Blessings,
ThEditor.
I was depressed for a while today… and I laughed and cried at the same time, really hard, for about 5 minutes. During those five minutes, I thought all sorts of crap… I thought about why i should bother marrying, if it means taking someone else’s chance at happiness away; i thought about why I should try saving people to whom I mean nothing; I thought about why I obsessed myself in my stories and poems and songs, the only things I find comfort in, when they sound like crap the second time round I read them; I wonder if any guy would choose me, over all the other girls in the world, if he would pick me out and say, that girl, she’s different, and i wouldn’t trade her for the world. Me, who can only find solace in a language not even mine by heritage; in a melody not even mine by heart; in a story not even mine by right or by fate. Me, who can’t dance, can’t sing, can’t draw, can’t trust my own cooking or cleaning skills.
But my dad, he told me… he told me once, that no matter what I chose to do in life, all I had to do to be happy, was do it well. And I could do anything well, he said, if I really wanted to. He said he knew I could. Because I was his daughter. I believed him. I still believe him. Maybe that’s why I write. Maybe that’s why I smile even if I don’t really feel like it. Maybe that’s why I try my hardest to try. If there’s something no one else can beat me at, something no one else can do that I can… it’s being me. Surely, surely, someone in this world will see that…
