… Sunday - April 27, 2008

I just realized that I hate him so much.

Not Ewe Jin, for those of you who are trying to guess.

In fact, he makes Ewe Jin look like such a damn saint. At least HE cares about my feelings these days, even when I annoy him or stuff.

I hate him.

I hate him so much for giving me all that grief and then just walking away from it all like it didn’t count or didn’t matter. I try and try, and no matter how long I think about it, I can’t think of what I’ve done wrong. And it’s not just now that I’ve been trying to figure this out.. I’ve been thinking about it since last year.

And I think I’ve come to the conclusion that, there really is nothing wrong with me (at least when I’m around him) and this is not my fault, so I should STOP FICKING BLAMING MYSELF, TELL HIM TO SCREW HIMSELF AND JUST LIVE MY LIFE KNOWING I’M SO GODDAMN MUCH BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM AROUND.

He doesn’t seem to mind either way, and at least I’ll be happier with my life and myself. So there.

As far as I’m concerned, the kind of friendship we once shared is now officially over.

A Special Note To One “Ken Johnson” Saturday - April 26, 2008

So according to ‘ken johnson’, i’ve been doing something wrong? I never said not speaking chinese was the only reason. I said I think it could be one of the reasons I can’t fit in as well as I would be able to if I could speak chinese. Can you tell me that statement is false? You seem to ‘know’ that I’ve been doing something wrong. So tell me then. What is it?… I’ve been dying to know all this time..

You remind me of someone I know.. someone I always believed in but never realized he himself was hurting my feelings. Do you really think I never look at myself (wasn’t my ENTIRE rant about trying to change what I think is wrong with me?) ? That I ‘blame’ my classmates for leaving me out? That I am so shallow? Then I’m really sorry… but… I think you just haven’t gotten to know me well enough yet. No offense meant to either of us.

A 1/5 rating. Friday - April 25, 2008

I’ve been willing to change all this while. But nothing I do really seems to work much. Maybe it’s just who I am, and maybe I’ve got to start trying to accept that instead of always wondering why i always do things wrong. Hell, maybe that would make things worse. I don’t know. I’m so lost I almost don’t care.

I love myself. I respect myself. I’m proud of myself. Never too much, but just enough. If there were a single reason I wish I were someone different, it’d be because of this feeling I get that all the blame rests solely on my shoulders… and what makes it worse is knowing that after all is said and done, maybe it’s true…

Dear All

Prelude… Today… started off on the wrong foot. Someone said something that automatically pissed my entire morning away. I mean, at the time I felt like, alright, my bad, I admit I misunderstood what she said… but walauuuu you didn’t have to rub my damn face in it. You talk about pride, but do you really know how difficult it is to apologize to you???

But, well…

I guess, for all my past experiences with debating, I’m just no good with words, because I seem to be misunderstood a tad too frequently for my own good.

Anyway, now I’m not feeling so bad la. I mean, I went shopping to cheer myself up Yes Mr leonard, yes… and I managed to go the whole day without making things worse… I guess there are things about some people that just makes them who they are… even if at those instances it seems intolerable.. I just have to shut up for a couple hours and let my heat simmer down.. but I admit I’m intolerable sometimes too.. i’ve pissed a person or two off before.

All I can think of now is actually wondering what he really thinks of me. But some part of my gut is so sure there was no harm meant. So, well.. no matter what you think (you know who you are) here’s a public apology from me. I’m sorry.

I’m not saying this or doing this because I think you DESERVE it. I’m saying it because in my heart it feels like the right thing to do when you argue with or hurt somebody. Although I doubt it means very much to you anyway.

Remember the first time I pissed you off? You wouldn’t talk to me for like a day… Remember what I gave you back then?.. I wonder if you still keep it… I wonder if it meant anything. I hope it did. I really do. You are so important to me… not in that way, but you are. Do you know that? Should you know that?..

God, I’m such a horrible social person.

Today… Went shopping with Munn in Pyramid! Not much though… just went to pick up my prom dress (which sze munn helped choose… dayamn, that girl’s got good fashion sense. even my mom says so) and then I got a loud orangey-red dress from another shop in Asian Avenue (I love that place!) And a new pose-able (How in the HECK do you spell this??) doll figure I preordered by Revoltech. I love it, it’s so stupid and funny it’s cute. And it’s fun to play with. (YES MR LEONARD I PLAY WITH MY REVOLTECH FIGURES)

So, like, maybe when I have time I’ll post some piccies of that particular figurine. But first, I’m going to post pics from Max’s birthday : D Sorry it’s so late Max.. it’s been a damn stressful week.

Tomorrow… Nothing much planned la. Further Maths, Chem, Physics, Further Maths, Chem, Physics…

Daily…

• Consumable-ds: I don’t remember. I kena-ed some fickin hell painful food poisoning early this week, and have been staying away from milk since.. and since I always feel bloated, I eat often in small amounts. I miss milk. That sounds kinda wrong..
• Procrastinate-ds: Nothing but homework.
• Carrocolada: Amazingly, nothing. Except maybe King’s College >.<
• What’s on the Cake: Work and more work.

SugarPandas,
ThEditor.

:D Tuesday - April 22, 2008

Aman, you rock the rock to rock all rocks.
By the way the brand of the guitar is Adonis. And I’m meeting my mom’s colleague for dinner Friday night.

So now, let’s backtrack.

The guy came to fix my brother’s air-conditioning unit today (it was causing blackouts in the house everytime we turned it on).. at dinner my grandma asked him,

Grandma: Did you know, the guy came to fix your air-cond today?
Cal: Yeah.
Grandma: YOu tried already?
Cal: Yeah, it’s on now.

*BZZZT**PIWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW*….

oh well.

To get the joke, click the link up there *points*.

Here are the pics from my family’s Cameron Trip over the weekend. We had a huge bday bash for Max on Monday But I’ve go so much back-tracking to do I think I’ll post the pics another day.. there were quite a lot of them! SORRY MAXXXX!!!!

I can’t post all the pics (You can go to photobucket and search for the user “thelovebunnymobile” to see the rest, though.. Maybe I’ll put up a link to that in my blog when I’ve got time, to make things more convenient. In the meantime, here are some of my favourites… all taken by yours truly. Most (I think all) were taken at the butterfly farm, and the place we stayed (Smokehouse). The one above this post included. Click to see them bigger.

These are the slightly better ones…

Can you see the ginormously-assed bee in THIS one?? Scared me half to death just to get that close to it…

And the coup de grace… The one that NO ONE would believe I took myself if I didn’t have the softcopy and digital timestamp to prove it…

Lovez.
ThEditor.

Eh. Depressing wei. Tuesday - April 22, 2008

Walauu.
Words can hardly express the way I’m feeling right now.

I just went bloghopping, and hm. Well. Maybe the reason I don’t fit in so well is not only because I don’t speak chinese like the rest of my classmates but because I’m a showoff? Well if I really am, then I’m the dangerous kind of showoff.. one who doesn’t realize she’s showing off. I mean, i try to be modest.. I honestly, really do.. but Im very excite-able and gila when I’m happy.. i wonder if that’s a bad thing? Now not only do I have to hide my bad feelings, I have to prevent myself from being over-happy too? … *sigh*… I don’t what I’m doing wrong… And no one’s telling me. I wonder which is actually worse… knowing or not knowing..

I don’t know why I’m letting this get to me so bad. Maybe I should just forget about everything and stop trying so effing hard to please everybody… obviously no one’s going to be happy with the real me.

My Social.. er.. Life? Friday - April 18, 2008

Dear All,

Firstly, the piccies of what my dad brought back from Chinaaaaa. I used photobucket, because I exceeded my Flickr account upload limit for the month (I forgot to lower the res on my camera, so my 100Mb for the month was gone, just like that. =(

Click to see it full size. =) A bit blur la, this time round… I was rushing because my camera’s battery was running low.. damn lazy to recharge la now XD

The new guitar. My dad’s friend was lagi gila. He got a bit drunk and bought a clarinet, a small timpani, and a harmonica. When my dad told him “Hmm, I think I want a guitar” that fella called out to the guy at the back, “BRING TWO GUITARS!” How he waddled to the airport I’ll never know. Yes this is the uncle that my dad said doesn’t have alcohol in his blood, but blood in his alcohol.

A ‘magic’ ring. Hehehh. I think Max will like this I’ll show you the trick next time, Max

Two Frank Muller watches. Please don’t ask questions to which there are obvious answers.

The harmonica. Came with an instruction booklet o.O

Perfume! This small bottle is mine.. I LOVE the bottle. And the name. And of course, the perfume itself is HOT… in (believe it or not, i think) a sensual gamer chick kind of way

And to top it all off…

A bottle of beer from the Tsingtao beer factory…

… with my dad’s face on it!!!! Personally I think this itself might’ve made half the trip worthwhile XD… one of the guys on the label is my dad, and the other is the alcohol-blood uncle. I leave it to you to guess which one is which.. if you don’t already know my dad la.

Today… I was in Mr Leonard/Mr Yong/Ms Ida’s room for most of the morning (getting help for further maths… didn’t know how to do PYQ =S And sometime in the afternoon, I had a long conversation with Ms Ida about my social ‘life’ if you can call it that, which is, and has been for years, practically non-existent in comparison to my other friends. It’s not that I don’t value or treasure friendships la.. I’m damn loyal to my friends, i should think… but sometimes I’m not exactly sure why I can never mix with others the way my friends do.. .especially my S5, S2, S1 friends… maybe it’s because I can never stay in one spot too long, and I’m always flitting about, and I’m hard to get to talk to, and I live so far away, and my interests are hardly what I’d call feminine enough to clique with the girls, but not ‘hardcore’ enough to fit in really properly with the guys. I can think of so many reasons that I don’t have a close-knit circle of friends… Not that it bothers me too much. In fact, if I try not to think about it, it doesn’t bother me at all.

.. Well, I try. It’s so easy to be disappointed…

Walauuuuuu. Since yesterday I’ve been a bit jittery over Mr Kingsley’s musical. That move he wants me and Kar Wye to do… well, I’m not, to say, very uncomfortable with it la, you know? But it still feels kinda… awkward. XD Or maybe I’m just shy. Like, I know it’s just a dance move. But… well. Aw gee I’m getting all worked up and blushing and i don’t know wtf why XD

Speaking of which, during the musical rehearsal today, for some reason we started telling a lot of lame puns and blond jokes. I think Kar Wye’s one was the best… OMG FRIGGIN ARTIFICAL INTELLIGENCE. I was like shiiiiiiiiitttttt LOL. I can’t really remember the rest (anyone didn’t know my memory sucks?) so to spare myself the humiliation of telling lame lame jokes, I shall stop here. =)

Tomorrow… we (my family and I) are going up to Cameron Highlands! Nothing much.. just some quiet time in the countryside to celebrate my SUPER-belated birthday (because my dad wasn’t around for my eighteenth, so I told him I didn’t want to celebrate til he was free ) So I most likely won’t post anything this weekend. On Monday, maybe… if I’m not buried under homework.

Daily…

• Consumable-ds: Soft boiled egg + milo, a hot dog, radish and chicken soup, rice, tofu, egg, bayam, chicken. The last bits are all my darling grandmother’s cooking.
• Procastinate-ds: Packing for tomorrow!!!! ARGHHHH
• Carrocolada: Bunny Rabbit. =P
• What’s on the Cake: Nothing, i think. I’m so lethargic today.

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. Friday - April 18, 2008

To Aman:
Can’t la. I don’t know my card’s billing address, so I can’t make online purchases. Dad isn’t telling me. Hmmm…

Dear All,

Today I’m feeling a little emo, so let’s just not go there.

Daddy’s home from his one-week stint in China! I thought he was there on work, but he was actually on holiday He brought back some neat stuff… magic tricks.. a beer bottle with his picture on it.. and a new guitar!!! It was so out of tuned when it got home I thought my ears would pop @.o but I tuned it and it sounds MARVELOUS. =D

Daddy didn’t think the rabbit girl was worth the money (click here). He said he’d rather get the Takamori Haruka doll.

…

…

Piccies of the stuff dad got me tomorrow. I’m bushed.

Tomorrow… Gotta get to school to work on the musical with Mr Kingsley. Maybe I can squeeze in some FM revision in between. Then I might be going to a friend’s house to videogame til doomsday!!!!!!… or til dinner. Whichever comes first. Eh.

Daily…

• Consumable-ds:Don’t remember. I got further maths on the brain..
• Procrastinate-ds: omg HOMEWORK!!! I’ve been so busy practicing chem and Further Maths I forgot about the holiday homework!!!! I’m doomed i’m doomed i’m doomed…. (Going outstation this weekend)
• Carrocolada: Photoblogging my dolls =D well, the action-figure ones at least. I figure I’m the person who buys for the joy of owning and looking. not selling.
• What’s on the Cake: Chemistry. (I can’t believe I’m saying this.)

If I said I’m quite alright without you,
how would you feel?
ThEditor.

The RM880 Iron Man. Wednesday - April 16, 2008

To Aman:
But I DO want to buy a Nabaztag! I actually asked my mom’s collegue to look for it in the US for me, but no luck. I hope so bad I’ll find one in London

Dear All,

What for fishcake’s sake should I wear for prom night? I’ve got a sweet black cocktail dress i got from SUB that I’ve never worn before…. Or should I go look for something else?

Feature…

Would you believe, this 35cm tall Iron Man figurine by Kotobukiya is on preorder for EIGHT HUNDRED EIGHTY-FRICKIN-RINGGIT?? (That’s US$262 approx.)… OhMyGod. I mean, it does look real fancy (click to see a bigger image)… but Oh.My.Gawd.

Thank my lucky wallet I’m not a Marvel fanatic. :/

Today… was one of those days where I felt so thankful for my lot in life

I’m gonna go paint my nails now

Studying on study break,
ThEditor.